Indiacorporatewatch Annual Awards 2005

India corporate watch has always believed in
giving credit where it is due

From this year India Corporate Watch has decided to
honour emininent personalities who are engaged in the
battle against corporate might and recognize and congratulate
noted people who have made fools of themselves

The Following Award Categories have been instituted this year

1.Goebbels Brazen Blitzkrieg Bronze Award(In association with Outlook)

2.Mera Naam Joker Life Time Achievement Award(In association with RK Film Studios)

3.The Head Up your ASS Award

4.Vulgar Retard of the Year

5.Silly man of the Year

6.Business Partnership of the Year

7.Subvert of the year





1.India Corporate Watch in association with Outlook India presents


Goebbels Brazen Blitzkrieg Bronze

to ARINDAM CHAUDHURI

For inundating the media with self-reverential and
self-referential self-endorsements to IIPM.


Illustration by Sandeep Adhwaryu


Link




2.India corporate watch in association with RK Films
presents

Mera Naam Joker Life Time Achievement Award
to Laloo Prasad Yadav




Laloo Prasad Joker even used an Osama Bin Laden Look alike for campaigning in Bihar to garner Muslim votes
Can you beat that ?
This man and the parlimentary system that installs him continues to suck eventhough
laloo finally bit the dust

Anyways....

Dear Laloo
May the fleas that hover over a thousand piles of cow dung in bihar
infest your lower parts and
may your hands become too short to scratch them




3.The Head Up your ASS Award goes to Saif Ali Khan


Above - Saif Ali Khan celebrates after being informed that he won this award
and poses specially for India Corporate Watch Readers

His Achievements this year include

a. Abandoning his faithful wife
b. Winning a National Award he didn't deserve
c. Being the son of notorious wildlife poacher Mansoor Ali Khan Pataudi
d. Driving his car over a boy and being hailed as a hero for that by the media
because he took the injured boy to the hospital. How noble !!
e. Last but not the least Foot in Mouth disease

This man actually tried to justify his national award and
this is what he had to say to his critics in a film magazine interview
on why he deserved a national award

"Hum Tum fulfilled a national obligation of making unhappy and poor people laugh"

Hahahaha...... Puhlease......
National Obligation ?

Yes the Masses desperately need to watch Saif Ali Khan topless
with his washboard abs
prancing around in a foreign locale
Just what the IMF and World Bank ordered for India's problems

He won it only because of the powerful lobbying and
since India has been reduced to a plutocratic
society it had to happen

This NRI poster boy caters to the Niche NRI audience who like to believe in a
fantasy world projected by the Karan Johars of Bollywood

In my humble opinion if anyone deserves the national award this year its
Shiney Ahuja for his performence in Hazaaron Khwaishein Aisi
and this movie deserves the best movie of the year award

Didn't watch it ?

Too bad you just missed out on the best movie of 2005

They couldn't match the publicity of Hum tum but what they could
not do in marketing
they achieved in content and acting

Its still not too late though you can get probably still get
the VCD or DVD and watch it

And the music is also truly out of the world...

This is what Shekar Kapur had to say about this movie

Hazaaron Khwaishein Aisi is the most significant and real film
I have seen recently. It reflects the period when I was in university. The importance of the film lies in that most of the leaders of our nation today, specially those in the bureaucracy, are a product of those conflicting philosophies, conflicting values.

THIS IS WITHOUT DOUBT THE MOST IMPORTANT FILM TO COME OUT OF INDIA IN A LONG, LONG TIME.


1 Hazaaron Khwaishein Aisi = 1000 (saif ali khan + shah rukh khan +karan johar ) type bollywood masala movies




4.Vulgar Retard of the Year 2005 - Rakhi Sawant



Her diet(Appeared in an interview with Tehelka )

Breakfast-- tea and fresh aloe vera
Lunch-- juice
Dinner-- fruit

She also exercises two hours daily

One full meal only on Sunday(According to her mother Usha)

During the interview, the Sawants' family doctor administers an injection to Rakhi. "He says I'm very weak," she says

Also
Her father has moved out of the house
ashamed of his daughter and lives alone

This woman is mentally and phsyically ill still I find her all
over my television..
Somebody tell me Whyy!!!
Aren't there any mental hospitals in this country ?

Television in 2005 has become a vast wasteland suffering from a
perpetual intelligence drought
(exceptions discovery channel, NGC, animal planet and a few more like them)

I really miss the good ol days of Doordarshan

If you are a fan of rakhi savant
Please admit her to a mental hospital
Anorexia is a curable disease

Or maybe
on second thoughts...

We can ask natwar singh to start a programme for her
based on Iraq's Oil for Food

We will call it the Dance for Food programme

We will make her dance in her undergarments at the next
W.H.O fund raiser for starving and malnutritioned people

After seeing her starving body I am sure the fat bastards will open
their purses for drought relief.




5.Silly man of the Year 2005


You may own an airline your company United
Breweries
may have ruined thousands of lives with its
alcoholic beverages

but
at the end of the day you are just
another silly man in a scottish kilt,
born with a silver spoon in your mouth.




6.Business Partnership of the Year Award goes to
Salil Chaturvedi and Fardeen Khan





Both consume drugs
Both were arrested on cocaine possesion charges
Both are free again

These two drug addicts turned entrepreneurs have struck
it rich
Salil Chaturvedi makes clothes Fardeen endorses them
Its called Provogue

Salil Chaturvedi also has a drug parlour called
Provogue Lounge





7.Subvert of the Year 2005


Truely Brilliant !

This truely captures the whole year and what lies ahead
This orgy of vicious violence that marked 2005 will continue
for sometime

A Happy New Year to all those who find something Happy about it

I also apologize for I have been unable to post much over here
and Iam also unable to visit the fine blogs I used to frequent

I will be dropping in soon...

If you think I missed out someone or some event then please do recommend/nominate
them in the comments section

Thank you

Comments

Cow Tse Tung said…
Impressive list - in terms of your wit, not the individuals. Hope '06 is great for you. Cheers.
Anonymous said…
hats off to u mate...u have proved urself as noble patron of truth , the fact that u hv managed 2 conglomerate humour makes it even more musing.
however wud like 2 thank u for all the pain that u take 2 enlighten souls like me....

keep up the gud job!!!!
blogeshwaran said…
Good stuff! I'm sure we can create similar award categories for Natwar Singh, Mafatlal family, the Left, assorted self-help gurus and godmen, the Radha-police guy (or gal) etc. Clearly idiocy is outpacing both the Sensex and GDP growth in our country. I am mortally scared that India will become mindless well before it becomes rich.
Shruthi said…
Good ones, there, Abhay, and yes, very sharp commenting too :)
Mridula said…
Loved your sense of outrage and humor yet again.
gautam said…
hi...thanks for visiting my blog..liked the stuff that you write...good work...BTW can you tell me how you found out my blog?
Sri Harsha said…
Right on my friend...right on...and hilarious too...:-)