Monkey Business on Planet of the Apes

Monkey Business - The commercial transaction for a profit induced by corporations mainly by reducing people's intelligence to levels that are lower than that of most primates.

This is carried out by bombarding them with dumb propoganda
in the form of commericals

This propoganda dupes the consumer into acquiring the product.
The acquiring of the product creates a false sense of satisfaction and well being among the end user.
This momentarily deflects attention from the inherent problems his regressive
lifestyle have created.
The consumer ultimately gets conditioned to shop for monkey goods
everytime his problem surfaces creating a vicious cycle which ensures
a healthy growth in profits of the corporation.

Selling most FMCG goods comes under monkey business

FMCG-(Fast Moving Consumer Goods - Soap,toothpast,biscuits )

Typical advertisements that are used in monkey business

Don't cha wish your girlfriend was an ass like me?
Don't cha wish your girlfriend was dumb like me?
Don't cha
Don't cha
---Song courtesy Pussycat Dolls

Coco-cola is one sick corporate entity trying to appropriate
the "Sar Utha ke Jiyo" slogan
used by nationalists and freedom fighters .

Let me tell you how I think this works

The first time you heard "Sar Utha Ke Jiyo"slogan probably when you were a
kid your brain formed a unique templete that stored the message along with
the emotions/feelings they generated.(Thats how memory works )
In this case they must have been positive emotions
This is a part of your permanent memory and stored.
And whenever you hear and think of the same slogan again
your templete is retrieved and you experience the same emotions.

What Coco-Cola is doing here is trying to overwrite that template with
the template it has created called "Piyo Sar Utha Ke "
Since the wording/positioning of the templates are so similiar there is a
tendency that you will allow the same emotions that you have for
the original to pass over to the fake template.

The way the advertisements have been positioned using a national hero like
Rajvardhan Singh Rathore ,the music only confirm the above.

They want to turn the act of drinking their red piss which costs less than a rupee to produce into something glorious and something to be proud of.

So that they can sell it us at more than 10 times the original cost
of production (10 rupees)

Another case that I have noticed - Use of Gayathri Mantra by Videocon in their television ads

Advertising is more about mind control than anything else
Thats why it is one of the largest employers of psycologists in the world.

Coke Kills
It really does

Just read this article

and tell me
how can anyone drink coke with even an ounce of pride ?
The only thing coke drinkers should experience is Shame and guilt

I just love Zoom
Zoom Channel = The glorification of retards

Times of India is India's largest selling Coloured Toilet Paper
It is no coincidence that the word 'Toilet' has a 'TOI' in it.TOI= Times Of India

If one man were to read the Times of India for 1 year and another
man were to stare only at a blank piece of Toilet Paper for 1 hour
The latter one would be the wiser of the two

I honestly believe the only reason Ganguly is in poor form is because
he is suffering from food poisoning a result of eating gold and silver.
Somebody tell him he looks pathetic trying to make us eat gold and silver
(What will they come up with next ?)

Blogeshwaran best sums up my thoughts in this post

FMCG marketeers

There was soap. Then came shampoo. Throw in toothpaste and shaving cream to complete the laundry list of toiletries. The world seemed quite fine with these. The ones who used these smelled nice, attracted women (except the ugly ones) and made close friends. The others smelled bad, attracted women (except the poor ones) and made not-so-close friends.

Then FMCG marketeers realized that they couldnt sell any more stuff. There were only so many teeth to brush. They could try making people fat, as soap use grows with surface area, but McDonalds had gotten there first.

So, what do they do? Create bogus products and worse still, fake needs to get people to buy bogus products. Moisturizer came in. As if this wasnt enough, this was segmented by body-part (foot cream, body lotion, face cream). Conditioner got added to (or separated from, I dunno which) shampoo. Soap became face wash. Pre and after shave shit happened. Blades went from 1 to 2 to 3 (dunno if the next one is 4 or 5 - depends on whether the sequence is natural or prime numbers).

Deo was invented for those who are too lazy to bathe. Edible stuff went into cosmetics. Green tea, cucumber, lemon and eggs have never been so expensive. Making fake products is easy. Same shit, new package. How do you create fake needs? Preying on the insecurities of people is the most timeless of marketing strategies. I'm surprised Kotler doesnt mention it (Oops, I forgot! He's a marketeer).

Ads showed losers becoming studs, virgins getting laid, ugly to handsome, fat to thin - and I am still just on shampoo. Wait till I get to moisturizer. And the world has enough suckers for this crap to actually work. Guys, wake up. The only thing that can help ugly people get laid is alcohol. Money helps too, but booze is cheaper. The next time you see someone buying left-testicle-cream-with-aloe-vera or something equally gross, give them one tight slap.

Here is some funny stuff that I found on google image search

These are very tough to do
Whoever did this is a genius at photo editing
Hats off !

Bill Clinton - Monkey President No 1

George W Bush - Monkey president No 2(Click on Image for larger picture )


Global Indian said…
as usual, hilarious. Great work with photo editig.

I liked the George Bush one!
shobhna said…
Laughed my heart out!
Subash said…
Very nice post man ... Funny and entertaining too
Samit said…
I think u r god at photo-editing!
Cow Tse Tung said…
my favorite is the "TOI-let" it. good work.
1.618 said…
The TOI and the Page3 Pics. are really great!!

'1.618 bows to IndiaCorporateWatch'.
@Global Indian -Thanks but like I said I found it on google search had no hand in its making

@Shobna - Thanks

@Subash - Thanks looks like you have become regular around here now

@Samit -Hey samit you are very generous with your praise.I am no God at photo editing.My photo editing skills are very basic and I just find and modify images and add the humour part

But the Gods of Photoediting do
have a hangout its called

You will find their creations on display over there.
The possibilities of
Digital imagery is really vast

@Cow se tung- next time you go to the toilet don't forget your fresh copy of Times Of India-Keeping the asses of the masses clean .

@1.618 - Thanks man . Don't need to bow down man its nothing just some fun for all
vaibhav said…
Hilarious. Very hilarious.
And at the same time, introspective too!
Mridula said…
I showed my nephews the brylcream one cause they are quite fascinated by it. Your blog is a good way to show my nephews what is really cool. I loved the page 3 ones.

Thanks Mridula
Wonder how old your nephews are ?
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